November 27th, 2006
Kissing Suzy Kolber has Eli Manning’s secret thoughts:
Do you see now, people? Have you finally fucking figured it out?
I do not like football. I don’t know how much clearer I can make that point. This sport blows. Everyone’s running around and hitting each other… yikes. All I wanted when I was a kid was to hang out with my mom in the kitchen and make some zucchini bread. But nooooo, everyone’s all like, “You’re a Manning. You should play football!”
Fuck that. You should hear my dad in interviews. “We never pushed football on the boys…” Yeah right, old man. I just fell into this shit naturally. It had nothing to do with the family football games we played every afternoon for SEVENTEEN FUCKING YEARS, Dad. Or the film study sessions after dinner. No, that was for fun. Ass.
And Peyton! Guhhhhh, what a fucking dickwad. “Hey, Dad! I’ve memorized the playbook!” “Hey Dad, want to go look at your old game films?” “Hey Dad, I audibled to a slant-and-go pattern!” Fucking brownnoser. Hey Peyton, I just threw two picks and blew a game to Tennessee because I’m not as good as you! Isn’t that exciting? Fuckface.
Awesome.
Super Bowl: Eli Redux — Jonathan Last Online February 6, 2012 at 9:31 am
[…] considered, I’d probably have preferred a Pats win, I suppose. More Tommy from Quinzee, more squash-court Eli, and their championships weren’t predicated on inexplicably dropped pass from the opposition […]