September 9th, 2013
It’s like a blog created just for me. From the about section:
This is a safe place. We can all be honest here. We’ll start.
Your children are trying to murder you. We know because ours are almost succeeding against us. They suck the life from us and leave us without the ability to be human to each other, let alone them.
And they think it’s funny.
Obviously, we can’t help with that; as it is, we’re writing this from our bolt-hole next to the pantry. But we’re here to help you out with something else.
Over the course of the pain your children have inflicted on you, you’ve missed out on some popular culture, and by “some” we mean “all.” We have, too. We have decided to do something about it, and in the process, we’re going to help you and us, too.
Here you will find reviews of movies, books, and video games you will have missed while trying to survive the fact of your children. We will focus primarily on adult entertainment (by which we mean things rated PG-13 up to R, not things rated with various repetitions of X), but will also hit some kids’ material that may or may not be bearable, but to which you’ll be exposed anyway.
From their review of Transformers:
In 1986, a generation of children screamed a scream of denial, rage, and mourning as the clueless idiots at Marvel’s animation arm pointlessly and Troy Denning-like killed Optimus Prime so that Hasbro could market a new round of Transformers toys.
In Transformers: The Movie, Optimus Prime returns to the Autobots’ base on Earth to find it overrun with Decepticons, and his own forces dead or hopelessly outnumbered and soon to fall.
Because he’s Optimus Prime, he sets out to singlehandedly turn the tide of battle and to kick ass. Because he’s Optimus Prime, he succeeds. Because Marvel’s animation arm was run by people hopped up on cocaine and stupid, he is inexplicably and gratuitously killed as the incongruous protagonist of the film for no appreciable reason gets in the way of Prime’s moment of triumph.
Genius.
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Three posts in nine months. Sounds like they’ve got our kids.
Jeff September 9, 2013 at 10:49 am
“humans AND Shia LeBoeuf” is priceless all by itself