Jonathan Last

Family Television
May 31st, 2012

So Galley Friend X sent me the following clip from a cable TV show. It’s funny in the sense that it’s a near perfect example of adolescent wish fulfillment. But what’s really funny is that, if the watermark is correct, this is from ABC’s Family network.

Cinemax is dead! Long live ABC Family!

Galley Friend J.E. May 31, 2012 at 1:05 pm

It’s now the “In A Family Way” network.

And History Channel took out the history.

DSK May 31, 2012 at 3:31 pm

That Hannah Montana filly has been tarting it up recently. By which I mean, the past 5 or 6 years

Old timer May 31, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Sounds like the doomsday whistle! Ain’t been blown for nigh onto three years. Tsk, tsk, tsk…trouble abrewing.

Ben May 31, 2012 at 3:40 pm

The hashtag popup as soon as she says it is fantastic.

Vic Matus May 31, 2012 at 3:41 pm

I cannot wait for “Disney Shoe Diaries,” “Disney Bordello,” and “Emmanuelle in Disney.”

Ben2 June 1, 2012 at 10:03 am

Yes, yes it was totally worth leaving practice for . . .

Jason O. June 1, 2012 at 11:56 am

From parts unknown, weight unknown…Galley Friend X!!!

t3 June 4, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I can’t wait for Disney to turn this into a ride. Like It’s a Small World but with more tongue.

Still, anyone with young kids will know ABC Family is a far smaller threat to the republic than Katy Perry. 7 year olds should not know the words to:

“…Last Friday night
We went streaking in the park
Skinny dipping in the dark
Then had a menage a trois
Last Friday night
Yeah I think we broke the law
Always say we’re gonna stop-op
Whoa-oh-oah”

In Defense of Book Banning March 11, 2014 at 4:23 am

[…] ABC Family is pretty much the go-to network if you’re looking for shows marketed to teenagers about oral sex and silly portrayals of lesbian experimentation. We’ve long been coming to terms with a popular culture that exposes children to explicit […]

"We should have called it The Virtue Rises. Humbug." — JVL

In the midst of PC police, low-budget holiday movies, and mandatory in-law time, the only Christmas spirit on most people's minds these days is the kind that comes in a flask.

"It's long and it doesn't have Spider-Man in it anywhere." — Cody Last

From the all-star cast who brought you The Seven Deadly Virtues comes a book with a look at the good life… or the crazy-stressful-overwhelmed life… of a father. As anyone who has spent time with a child knows, fatherhood is a mixed bag of fun, fury, and failure. So much is lost—no more catnaps during football commercials, no more exotic vacations or impromptu day trips. And yet, as authors like P. J.…

"The best argument for chastity since Bea Arthur." — Andrew Ferguson

An all-star team of eighteen conservative writers offers a hilarious, insightful, sanctimony-free remix of William Bennett’s The Book of Virtues—without parental controls. The Seven Deadly Virtues sits down next to readers at the bar, buys them a drink, and an hour or three later, ushers them into the revival tent without them even realizing it. The book’s contributors include Sonny Bunch, Christopher Buckley, David “Iowahawk” Burge, Christopher Caldwell, Andrew Ferguson, Jonah Goldberg, Michael…

""A powerful argument that the only thing worse than having children is not having them."" — P. J. O'Rourke

For years, we have been warned about the looming danger of overpopulation: people jostling for space on a planet that’s busting at the seams and running out of oil and food and land and everything else. It’s all bunk. The “population bomb” never exploded. Instead, statistics from around the world make clear that since the 1970s, we’ve been facing exactly the opposite problem: people are having too few babies. Population…