In addition to this amazing bit (“Description Of Sexual Fantasy Changing With Girlfriend’s Reaction”), the Onion has an interesting interview with Seth Green that gives some nice glimpses into Hollywood:

Idle Hands (1999)—”Mick”

SG: [Laughs slowly.] Um… [Laughs more.] The best thing about that movie was that everybody working on it had a different mission statement. We all thought we were making a different movie. Me and the boys—the other actors, Devin [Sawa] and Elden [Henson]—we were convinced we were making a high drama with some comedic elements, and we tried to make our relationship as lifelong best friends believable. And, uh… [Laughs.] The director, Rodman [Flender], was attempting to make a throwback Italian horror film, like a Dario Argento flick. The writers really wanted it to be Heathers. And the studio was listening to the test marketing and saying that if this movie didn’t have… They really wanted the zombies to be cuter, and have more wacky antics, and apparently all the kids in the audience thought that there should be more pot-smoking, that pot should save the day, and somewhere, somehow, Jessica Alba needed to get her top ripped off. And that’s how that whole new ending got shot, where she’s up on the car lift and gets her midsection ripped off, and pot saves the day.

This guy has it going on.

Notice how cool it is to be a militant atheist these days? Well that’s all finished now. Atheism is no longer a tenable position. Why?

Bacon Salt.

Oh yes, it’s just what it sounds like. The company’s motto? “Everything should taste like bacon.”

Yes it should. Thank you, God.

No, I’m not going to tell you that the Patriots cheated to beat the Eagles in the Super Bowl. Maybe they did. But there were larger forces at work there and the Eagles weren’t going to win that championship. That sort of thing doesn’t happen in Philly. By which I mean the winning, not the cheating.

And can I beg that we have no more “Belicheat” or “Patriot Gate”? If this silly mini-scandal has a name, it’s obviously “Patriot Games.”

KSK had an outstanding item on the whole mess the other day, with Belichick as Rumsfeld. Quite good. But top honors has to go to LOL Jocks for seeing Belichick as Jack Horner, Burt Reynolds’s Boogie Nights porn director.

“Aim for his tits, Eddie.” I beg you to follow the link. It’s gold.

Pursuant to this item from yesterday, I give you the hotness:

If Jenny asks nicely, I’ll get it put on a t-shirt for her . . .

* Artwork courtesy of Galley Pimp N.S.

When Galley Friend D.M. told me about the ’90s era pilot for a Justice League of America series, I didn’t believe him. Here it is.

Listen, I won’t lie to you, this is long. Part one is 10 minutes. I know what you’re thinking, I’m at work, I can’t afford to take the time to watch this.

Believe me, when you see Green Lantern, the Flash, the Atom, and “Fire” unleash their mighty powers around the 9:00 mark, you’ll understand that you can’t afford not to watch. It’s like the Corman Fantastic Four, only with real actors (Miguel Ferrer! David Krumholtz!), and much, much worse.

Here’s the opening credits sequence:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgzNSL0WqoQ]

Question for the room: Is this the worst superhero adaptation ever done for the small screen?

From Galley Brother B.J.: Sure some of them are too easy (the Pats as the Emperor), but check out the love for Admirals Ozzel and Piett. That’s quality.

One small beef: Where’s Lando?

It seems CBS’s gambit to improve its Evening News ratings by sending Katie Couric into the war zone has failed. According to Reuters, despite Couric having been to Iraq and also interviewing General Petraeus and President Bush, her news program has hit an all-time low of 5.4 million viewers, “the lowest ratings on record since the current ratings system took effect in 1987, according to Nielsen Media Research.” (In comparison, ABC’s Charlie Gibson is attracting 7.8 million while NBC’s Brian Williams draws in 7.78 million.)

But I knew ahead of these latest stats that things were not well when watching the NFL on CBS last Sunday. During a commercial break, the network ran a promo with a voiceover that sounded just a little too desperate:

“Katie Couric, covering the most important story of our time. She did it. And did it well.”