Sure, it’s not fair. I didn’t see a minute of the series and didn’t even know Dallas had even been ousted from the series until this morning. And without looking up the stats, I’d guess that the Mavs have won about 130 more games than the Sixers over the last four seasons.

But still. Golden State? Between Dirk and Romo, Dallas might be replacing Houston as Choke City.

(Bonus: That’s just for you, LB.)

For anyone still reading after I basically took April off, here’s an excellent exchange on the draft between D-Mac and Andy Reid:

Andy: So this Kevin Kolb situation is going to be a problem?

Donovan: We got lots a problems motherfucker.

Andy: Please watch the language Donovan, I’m a man of God.

Donovan: God tell you to fuck me in the ass on Saturday?

Andy: Of course not Donovan, it’s just that you tend to crack like a damn egg. That homosexual latin fella saved me last year and he’s gone now. We had an opportunity to bring in a great prospect to back you up so we took it. We’re just acting in the best interest of the franchise.

Donovan: Forget that second round cocksucker for a minute. I saw how ya’ll traded out of the first round.

Andy: Well we just didn’t see anybody on the board at the time that we really needed. By moving down we were able to take Kolb.

Donovan: And you just had to let the Cowboys step in the spot.

Andy: Trading within the division is really no big deal.

Donovan: You wouldn’t be spoutin’ that bullshit if you were gonna spend the next five years runnin’ from that crazy asshole they drafted. He’s gonna break my damn neck because you couldn’t just draft a fuckin’ receiver?

Andy: We’ve got a great offensive line and plenty of targets for you to throw to.

Donovan: I needed a fuckin’ wide receiver you dumb piece of shit! You think I’m gonna throw to Reggie Brown all year? Fuck that shit, I’m holdin’ out. I got Chunky Soup money backin’ me up.

Even for a recovering coulrophobic like myself, I found Bill Goodwin’s “On Being a Clown” to be pure enjoyment and right up there with the Great Zucchini. Unless you have kids, you easily forget that clowning around is, for many, still a way to pay the bills. And, no surprise, it can seem like a thankless job, considering the amount of work and energy required. You can find Goodwin’s essay in the current issue of Doublethink.

This has been going around.

“I’m not going to call you ‘The Shadow’ anymore, dad.”

First comes word that Jack Valenti, the man who made the modern MPAA, has died.

Valenti was a character–a former aide to LBJ who made it big in Hollywood. In Washington, you would see him from time to time–very short, very thin, with ram-rod posture and a mane of hair that was actually silver. He looked like a bit like a retired–and very rich–jockey.

My one brush with Valenti came about a year after 9/11. I was working on a story about Hollywood’s aversion to movies about the war on terror and I called the MPAA to talk to him. The PR flak there told me that Valenti was in LA, but would call me in the morning, around 9:00 a.m., East coast time.

My phone rang the next morning at 9:00 a.m., sharp, and I talked with Valenti while he was at the gym. In the background, I could hear the squeaking of pulleys and odd putt-uptt noises and in my mind’s eye, I pictured him in some sort of 1930s Mandlebaum-Mandlebaum-Mandlebaum gym with medicine balls and those machines that looped a giant rubberband around your mid-section and vibrated.

Whatever the case, Valenti was gracious, smart, generous with his time, and (what every reporter appreciates most) completely candid. I’m sad to see him go and, in an odd way, kind of surprised he’s gone. Guys like Valenti–and there aren’t many of them–seem like they’ll be around for forever.

The other, more minor, bit of bad news is that Tim Minear’s very promising series Drive has been yanked by the geniuses at Fox. I hope that, unlike The Inside, we get the chance to follow the story on DVD.

On the one hand, Fox is to be applauded for letting Minear create such interesting shows, such as Wonderfalls, The Inside, and Drive. But on the other hand, it makes no sense why they let him create these projects, and then give them minimal ad support and virtually no time to grow an audience.

CNN has a little story on novelist Jodi Picoult’s run writing the re-launched Wonder Woman comic book.

The interview is short, but interesting. But to be honest, I didn’t think much of Picoult’s first two issues–the writing isn’t terribly crisp and the focus on Diana Prince doesn’t seem all that compelling. To me at least.

I don’t think this is a knock on Picoult, though. Wonder Woman is a hard character, probably the least interesting of DC’s Big Three. She’s the most difficult to do well and probably the least rewarding when she is done the right way.

All of which is a long-way around to saying how fantastic it is that Picoult even bothered to try her hand at comic books. Having writers like Picoult and Joss Whedon and Brad Meltzer working in the comics world is great for the industry and really great for readers. Here’s hoping she does more after her Wonder Woman run.

From AICN, in the course of a surprsingly rave review:

Anyone who enjoys action films is gonna have fun with this. You’ll laugh at intentional moments and unintentional moments alike. And overall you’ll have a good, popcorn chomping time. But the guys who are looking forward to this? The folks who watched the trailer and had ZERO fucking apprehension about this? The guys who are going to wear their AUSTIN 3:16 shirts to the theatre Friday morning? This is their Citizen fucking Kane. These guys are gonna lose their minds at how awesome this is. It’s gonna play on TNT for like, a million, zillion years.

In the course of reviewing Vacancy, the geniuses at Pajiba make a piercing observation:

[O]f course, they can’t call for help, because they are out of cell-phone range (the day that cell phone companies fix the goddamn out of range issue in this country is the day that modern horror movies die).

So true.