This morning’s Washington Post reports that 26-year-old Katie Holmes, who once was a nice Catholic schoolgirl from Ohio, is leaving the Church to join the Church of Scientology, to which her current beau, Tom Cruise, 42, belongs.

It seems our favorite paper, the New York Post, went with a more conventional headline:

Boy, oh, Boy!

However, a supporting tagline on the lower corner and inside does in fact read: “HE BEAT IT” along with that trademark Macauley Culkin face from Home Alone. (Meanwhile, the headline for Diane Dimond’s column reads, “They didn’t lay a glove on him and now he’s untouchable.”)

Thanks to Galley readers for their own worthy suggestions.

Galley Friend B.W. sends along this Sal Paolantonio column about Terrell Owens. It’s got nearly all of my fetishes wrapped up into one neat package: Philly sports, Donovan McNabb, Howard Eskin, 610 WIP–even Stephen A. Smith.

So for the three of you who care–B.J., Dude from Philly, and M.G.–enjoy.

Blinq sends us to the video of Triumph going to the Jackson trial mob.

Now that Michael Jackson has been acquitted on all ten counts, it is time to guess tomorrow’s New York Post front-page headline:

1. BEAT IT

2. HE BEATS IT

3. SMOOTH CRIMINAL

4. WACKO JURY

Or?

How could I forget to mention last week the most provocative and emotionally gripping show on television this season? No doubt many readers were let down by this inexcusable lapse and for that I offer my most humble apologies. Yes, I am talking about NBC’s Behind the Camera: Mork & Mindy.

Just by chance I happened across the show, in the midst of actor Chris Diamantopoulos portraying Robin Williams doing stand-up. Diamantopolous can sound like Williams and act like Williams, but it’s still quite unseemly. In fact, at times, it was downright cringing to watch. Daniel Roebuck (who once portrayed Jay Leno) played a caricature of producer Garry Marshall. You had other actors playing the roles of Penny Marshall, Cindy Williams, Henry Winkler, and John Belushi. And still I couldn’t turn away. But why not? Because even in a trainwreck of a show, you can always come away learning something. Such as:

Network executives tried ridding Mork & Mindy of its older actors Conrad Janis and Elizabeth Kerr, and brought on Jay Thomas and Gina Hecht as that young Italian couple to spice things up. But Janis and Kerr returned for the final disastrous season that included Jonathan Winters.

The show’s writers and Williams, in particular, were constantly scrutinized by the censors and Williams had to tone down his act considerably. But while those on the show decried censorship, they also looked at the media’s descent into “jiggle” TV with disdain.

Pam Dawber was always a nice girl.

John Belushi did a lot of drugs.

One writer describes the set of Popeye as a “Roman orgy.”

But one question remains: Did Diamantopoulos have on extra body hair in order to truly ape Williams?

Amazing:

SAN FRANCISCO, California (AP) — The mother of a 12-year-old boy killed in his own home by one of the family’s two pit bulls says she had been so concerned about one of the dogs that she shut her son in the basement to protect him.

Maureen Faibish said she ordered Nicholas to stay in the basement while she did errands on June 3, the day he was attacked by one or both of the dogs.

She said she was worried about the male dog, Rex, who was acting possessive because the female, Ella, was in heat.

“I put him down there, with a shovel on the door,” Faibish said in an interview with the San Francisco Chronicle. “And I told him: ‘Stay down there until I come back.’ Typical Nicky, he wouldn’t listen to me.”

Nicholas apparently found a way to open the basement door.

Despite her concerns about Rex that day, Faibish told the newspaper: “My kids got along great with (the dogs). We were never seeing any kind of violent tendencies.”

Faibish found her son’s body in a bedroom. He was covered in blood from several wounds, including a major head injury.

No charges have been filed.

“It’s Nicky’s time to go,” she said in the interview. “When you’re born you’re destined to go and this was his time.”

The Superficial comes out as being pro-torture:

This week, Time magazine “reports on the interrogation of Mohammed al Qahtani at Guantanamo Bay, who is widely believed to be the so-called 20th hijacker, a compatriot of Osama bin Laden and a man who had tried to enter the U.S. in August 2001 to take part in the Sept. 11 attacks . . . The quizzing now starts at midnight, and when (al Qahtani) dozes off, interrogators rouse him by dripping water on his head or playing Christina Aguilera music.”

Thanks a lot pussy liberals. This is actually a awesome idea – considering the son of a bitch plotted to kill thousands of Americans – except replace the words “dripping water onto” with “slammed a hammer into” and replace “playing Christina Aguilera music” with “execute”. Honest to God, if I see any electronic equipment brought into a room with a guy involved with 9.11, I better hear the phrase, “Red is positve, black is negative” and “no, we’re not gonna need any KY.”

Sigh. Isn’t this exactly what Andrew Sullivan has been warning us about lo’ these many months?