Worst Fantastic Four Movie Ever?
February 20th, 2014




Three movies have been made about the Fantastic Four and all of them vie for the title of Worst FF Movie Ever. But now we have a fourth entrant!

Fox has cast its latest Fantastic Four reboot. Have a look. How about that Reid Richards–looks an awful lot like a young Screech, doesn’t he? And then there’s the diversity stunt casting of Johnny Storm, who’s clearly an adoptive brother now. Gotta make it relevant to today’s kids!

But the worst piece of casting? Jamie Bell as Ben Grimm. Because nothing says Giant palooka turned football star turned big-hearted rock monster like the waifish, grown-up child star from Billie Elliot. It’s like the Elton Bane in reverse.

I know what you’re thinking, because I’m thinking it too: Please make The Thing gay . . . Please make The Thing gay—the movie can’t be truly relevant without it. Think of all the fawning coverage in the NYT for the first gay superhero in a mainstream movie!



  1. Thomas February 21, 2014 at 4:36 am

    I guess Fox has too much money and needs to waste $125 million on what can only be an epic disaster. From the casting alone it looks like they are fundamentally re-working the basic family dynamic, esp between Sue and Johnny (I can easily see Jordon as The Human Torch but he is clearly not the brother of Kate Mara) But also a mistake to make all the characters essentially the same age. Part of the appeal was always that Reed was a father figure (the grey temples were a signal), Johnny was the impulsive kid w/ a temper, Ben was the playful but gruff uncle, and Sue was sort of den mother, feeling protective of her younger brother. When they all look 25 this doesn’t work.

    One of the keys to The Avengers that Fox doesn’t get is that the heroes are adults (!). Tony, Bruce, Steve, Nick Fury, and even Clint Barton are all grown men, played by grown men (and all good actors). They bring a gravitas and depth to what are, after all, cartoon characters. The great argument scene aboard the Helicarrier comes off as an argument among adults, not as a spat between kids. This is also why Michael Fassbinder was so successful playing Magneto. Not to mention Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine. But they casting here (for misguided marketing reasons I’m sure) is to make everyone a cool kid. Yuck. I guess Michael Cera as Annihilus is not far off.

    The casting of The Thing may be the worst. The Thing should clearly be CGI (as The Avengers successfully proved w/ the Hulk) but Fox seems to be stuck on the idea of putting this kid, and not just his voice, in the film. The Thing as guy in a rubber suit fails, period (see all previous FF films). Also, as you mentioned, Ben is the blue collar working man foil to Reed, the academic egghead. This kid is not believable as a muscle bound hero or a working class tough guy from Yonkers.

    I suspect they will plumb The Ultimate FF and other minor variations for story ideas but the risk is that by doing so they will undermine how these characters relate, creating new characters loosely based on the FF. The FF are not the X-Men (brought together by a mentor) or The Avengers (assembled ad hoc to respond to a threat). They are a family of adventurers and as such they share the same origin. It’s important to the way the characters relate that they all got their powers from the sameaccidental event. It’s not on purpose (Ben didn’t choose to be The Thing, which is why Reed feels guilty). And their powers are not derived separately. Or from the government. They are not spies or in the army or victims of some conspiracy. More Indiana Jones or Goonies than James Bond or Star Trek. But I’m certain Fox will botch this.

    Compare the FF casting news to the Guardians trailer. Wit, adventure, one-liners, action, and most importantly an eagerness to embrace its ridiculousness. The casting, especially the voice casting of Rocket Raccoon and Groot, is brilliant. Once again Marvel shows that they know what they are doing, while the rest are staggering in the dark (two words: Green Lantern).

    All this is dispiriting. A fun, charming, funny FF movie is waiting to be made, filled with humor and weirdness, with crazy inventions, crazier action, and jokes. Negative Zone! The Fantasticar! Skrulls! Moloids! (As it stands now I’m rooting for Dr Doom.)

    Sadly, you and I will be old men before Hollywood can figure out how to deliver this.

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  3. Thomas February 21, 2014 at 7:33 am

    Who wants to bet that in this movie Jamie Bell can change into the Thing and back into Bell at will?

    Of course this would radically change the nature of the character. But it would help Fox keep Bell on screen during the down times and let them animate The Thing for only the fight scenes, etc. The marketing goons get their slender pretty boy and the CGI guys don’t have to work to create The Thing throughout the whole movie. This makes The Thing a parallel character to the Human Torch, flaming on whenever he wants. It’s a win-win.

    Except this is a lose-lose. They would lose the essentially tragic nature of Ben, fated to live as a monster who can never change back to human form. This would turn Ben into Colossus, an uninteresting invincible hero who is fated to spend his down time as a handsome guy. (The horror…) They lose Reed’s guilt over the accident turning his best friend into a monster. They lose the sympathy Sue (and the reader) feels for Ben. They lose his sadness and the disconnect he feels from the human world he is always saving.

    The more I read about this the more I realize Fox is making a movie loosely based on some characters that vaguely resemble the Fantastic Four.

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  5. Kevin hudson February 28, 2014 at 8:45 am

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