December 22nd, 2005
While we’re at it, perhaps we should now note our ten worst films–a task much harder than it seems. To qualify, these have to be movies you actually saw from beginning to end (or at least really attempted to), ideally in a theater where the thought of having flushed good money down the toilet makes the experience especially unnerving.
In no particular order:
Congo – Having a device that allows a gorilla to communicate in English does not suddenly make the gorilla act or think like a normal human being. That and the scene where the “gorilla” is strapped to a parachutist. I saw this one in a theater.
Cannonball Run II – I genuinely enjoyed the first one. Sadly, I cannot say the same for the sequel, which included the separately taped segment with Frank Sinatra and the montage to the music of … Menudo.
Problem Child – If the aim of this movie (or its sequels) was to have me wish ill towards the kid, it worked. I don’t care why he’s a lousy brat. I used to confuse Problem Child with Child’s Play. Difference is, I’d welcome the doll to my home any day.
Out on a Limb – Who knows what Matthew Broderick saw in the script. The leading lady is rather unappealing. Couldn’t even tell you about the plot. Simply a horrible film.
Little Buddha – At one point, Keanu Reeves, playing Siddhartha, is sporting a bouffant.
Hercules – It starred Lou Ferrigno. I saw it in the theater. I was only ten. I didn’t know! I was just a child!
Those were just six and I am wiped out. Galley friend Mike Woody lists Caddy Shack II, She Devil (starring Roseanne Barr), Casualties of War, Ishtar, and “anything with Jean-Claude Van Damme except Bloodsport. That was rich.”
Finally, in terms of great disappointments, no doubt I would have to place The Godfather Part III on top.
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