Something I thought that went unnoticed during the infamous Dateline special on Michael Jackson from a few years ago was the passing reference to child actor Macauley Culkin and his brother having slept with Michael Jackson in the singer’s bedroom at the Neverland Ranch. Hadn’t anyone tried to follow this up with an interview with Culkin, now 24?

The actor has now agreed to testify in the Jackson trial, insisting that despite a guard claiming to have witnessed some inappropriate behavior on the part of Michael, nothing unseemly took place when the boys were, well, home alone.

Nothing unseemly, that is, except a sleepover with a grown man.

Over at whatevs, Uncle Grambo has crossed a line of civility:

If your Uncle Grambo had any say in papal affairs, I would’ve cast my ballot for Darko Milicic. Hey Hot-Lanta, how’d it feel getting lit up for 16 points, five rebounds, three blocks and two assists last nizz by the #2 pick in the 2003 draft? Yodel atcha, Darvin Ham.

That’s just low.

But I hope Larry “What Can You Do for Me?” Brown tries running Darkicic at the Sixers this week. The Ig Dog will have something nice for him.

On an unrelated note, thanks to Grambo for this link to the funniest celebrity blogging since the Michael Bay Blog. I know, you don’t believe that anything could ever compare to Dating Fez, right? Well go read the Orel Hershiser and make your own judgments.

I’ve gone and expanded the collection of media outrages on Pope Benedict XVI over at The Daily Standard. Honestly, no matter what you’ve prepared yourself for, you won’t believe it.

Forget gay marriage, here’s the real reason Andrew Sullivan is so upset about Pope Benedict XVI:

“We are moving towards a dictatorship of relativism which does not recognize anything as for certain and which has as its highest goal one’s own ego and one’s own desires.”
–Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger

Sound like anyone you know?

Reuters carries this story on Pope Benedict XVI:

German Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, the strict defender of Catholic orthodoxy for the past 23 years, was elected Pope on Tuesday despite a widespread assumption he was too old and divisive to win election.

I’d ask readers to post in the comments section every variation of this sentence that you see over the next couple days.

When you leave your offerings, be sure to give the source and, where possible, a link. And if the comments aren’t working, send an email to galleyslaves@gmail.com. Thanks.

Update: “Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger of Germany, the church’s leading hard-liner, was elected the new pope Tuesday evening in the first conclave of the new millennium.”
—William J. Kole, Associated Press

“Thanks for your emails both sympathizing and telling me to leave the Church entirely. But I am still in shock. This was not an act of continuity. There is simply no other figure more extreme than the new Pope on the issues that divide the Church. No one. He raised the stakes even further by his extraordinarily bold homily at the beginning of the conclave, where he all but declared a war on modernity, liberalism (meaning modern liberal democracy of all stripes) and freedom of thought and conscience. . . . His views on the subordinate role of women in the Church and society, the marginalization of homosexuals (he once argued that violence against them was predictable if they kept pushing for rights), the impermissibility of any sexual act that does not involve the depositing of semen in a fertile uterus, and the inadmissability of any open discourse with other faiths reveal him as even more hardline than the previous pope.”
—Andrew Sullivan

“And what is the creed of the Church? That is for the Grand Inquisitor to decide.”
—Andrew Sullivan

“And so the Catholic church accelerates its turn toward authoritarianism, hostility to modernity, assertion of papal supremacy and quashing of internal debate and dissent. We are back to the nineteenth century.”
—Andrew Sullivan

” A man of deep personal faith who choked up as he delivered the homily at Pope John Paul II’s funeral, Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger also has alienated some Roman Catholics with his zeal in enforcing church orthodoxy.”
—Melissa Eddy, Associated Press

“Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, a hard-line doctrinal watchdog, was elected by Roman Catholic cardinals in Vatican City today as the successor to the enormously popular John Paul II as pope for the world’s one billion Catholics. . . . The Catholic Church is hugely divided and many of its members are seriously disaffected.”
—Daryl Strickland, Los Angeles Times

Update II: “In the Vatican, he has been the driving force behind crackdowns on liberation theology, religious pluralism, challenges to traditional moral teachings on issues such as homosexuality, and dissent on such issues as women’s ordination.”
—CNN

” Joseph Ratzinger, the newly elected Pope Benedict XVI, turned 78 last Saturday and is widely expected to maintain John Paul II’s deeply conservative line.”
—London Telegraph

“Hardline Catholics got their man Tuesday, when the College of Cardinals elected its dean, Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, as the 265th pope. . . . Ratzinger is generally considered to have been a driving force behind several of the Catholic Church’s strictest and most social divisive moves in recent years. In particular, he has held the line on homosexuality, women’s ordination, and the vein of progressive thinking known as liberation theology. Going into the secret conclave, many observers wondered whether the cardinals would seek a kind of compromise figure, but that was not to be.”
—Rema Rahman, Village Voice

“Hard-liner Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was elected the leader of the world’s one billion Roman Catholics after the conclave of 115 Cardinals ended Tuesday evening.”
—Newsweek

Update III: “Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger of Germany, a hard-line guardian of conservative doctrine, was elected the new pope Tuesday evening in the first conclave of the new millennium.”
—MSNBC

“Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger of Germany, a strict doctrinal conservative who believes the church should hold fiercely to its fundamental beliefs against the pressures of secularism, emerged from St. Peter’s Basilica as Pope Benedict XVI today.”
—Ken Dilanian and Matthew Schofeld, Knight Ridder

The official selection committee of Galley Slaves seconds the White House’s choice of Washington D.C. educator Jason Kamras—a friendly acquaintance of ours—as national teacher of the year. We are really impressed with his fine work, and his modest demeanor. Really, you talk to the guy about teaching, and he acts TOTALLY like it ain’t no big thing. USA Today story

Next week, American Idol‘s stunningly talented host Ryan Seacrest will be getting his own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame–something Mel Gibson, Robert Redford, and Clint Eastwood have yet to accomplish. You see, it’s one thing to direct Academy Award-winning films and deliver memorable performances, but have these guys ever tried interviewing a singer who just got harangued by Simon?

(How would you feel if you were Billy Joel or Kevin Kline, upon learning that you would be getting a star on the Walk of Fame this year, then learning who else was getting one?)

Things are good for Washington sports lovers. The Wizards are going to the playoffs and the Redskins (and Caps) have yet to lose.

But clearly the big story is the return of baseball. For this brief spell, the Washington Nationals are undefeated at home and lead their division. Crowd turnout is expected to be massive throughout the season–much to the annoyance of Peter Angelos. But in the midst of all this, the team introduced its new mascot, an eagle named … Screech?

I guess it’s better than the Expo mascot Youppi! But still, I wonder what were the runners-up? Zack? AC Slader? Mr. Belding?